“I want to bang you so bad”

Dating in college. Ha. I almost want to laugh out loud. Oh, wait. I just did. First let me start off with a quick story simply because I think it just sums up my disgust and why I feel like this is such a non existent “thing” in our college culture.

So here I am, minding my own business, watching a friend of mine dominate the beer pong table when suddenly a guy pushes some girl up against the wall next to me. He not so quietly, nor subtly may I add, says to her, “I want to bang you so bad.”

Uhm, excuse me? You want to what? Does he really think that line is going to get him anywhere?

Moments later his cell phone begins ringing and one of his friend’s proceeds to inform him that his “girlfriend” is calling. Pause…it gets worse. The guy answers his cell and as he is talking his bros are attempting to guess which of his slew of girls could possibly be on the other line. Needless to say it took his so-called best friends three guesses before correctly figuring out who was on the other side of the conversation.

Disgusted. That basically sums up how I felt in that moment.

But the sad part is that it’s perfectly normal in today’s college culture. How did we end up here?

Gone are the days of grand gestures and romanticizing, at least in college.

Well you know what, that is not okay and I won’t stand for it. Ladies (and gentleman) you deserve better than a vulgar “I want to bang you so bad.”

I don’t even know where to begin.

When a guy invites you over to watch a movie, us girls know he doesn’t actually mean “watch a movie”. At least nine times out of ten. If a guy texts you after midnight to “hang out”, you’re usually just his booty call. And apparently getting lunch at the dining hall is supposed to count as going on a date…but it doesn’t.

Watching a movie should be just that. You should be able to text me soberly at two in the afternoon if you think its socially acceptable to drunkenly text me after twelve. If you want to eat lunch with me and call it a date, then take me out to lunch and you pay.

My mom raised me that if a guy pays, it’s a date. So, guys step it up.

No you don’t have the right to dance with me at the bar. If you want to dance, ask me and don’t act offended if I say no. Maybe I just needed to enjoy a night out dancing with my girls. It’s not personal.
I blame social media for making it acceptable to not have to date. You friend me on Facebook and suddenly I’m supposed to swoon? Not even. Favorite my tweet, follow me, retweet me. How about you ask me for my phone number and CALL (not text) me and invite me out sometime?

Don’t DM me on twitter. It’s not sexy. Step up and be a man.

Dating in college doesn’t exist because we have collectively made it okay to text instead of call. To tweet instead of talk. To become Facebook friends versus real life friends.

Ladies, it’s our job to not accept this. It is our job to lay down the law as to what is and isn’t okay. Dating in college should be a fun experience not a nonexistent one.

What happened to trying to impress the girl? Gentleman, I’m not saying you need to be paying for fancy dinners and extravagant nights out. We all know the oh so realistic struggle of being a broke college student.

Simply take her to coffee after class, go check out the free art show your college is offering and go for a picnic down by the canal.

Dating in college doesn’t exist because people come to college all “I want to be single!” as if they can’t go on dates AND be single. A date doesn’t have to lead to a relationship people. It may or may not. But instead of this hookup culture we have created, why don’t we go back to one where dates exist?

So many people aren’t scared to have random hookup sex, but they are scared to go on a date with a guy or girl they may actually like. How does this make any sense?

We need to stop making this okay. Dating in college. It should exist. It used to (for some people it may).

As you get ready to head into the summer…ladies don’t be afraid to put it out there that you are looking to date not just hook up. It’s okay to be spontaneous but sometimes it’s more romantic guys if you make a plan. And guys, you think she’s cute so instead of trying to “bang” her, how about you grow a pair, ask for her number and give her a call tomorrow to invite her out to lunch.

Let’s change the culture.


11 thoughts on ““I want to bang you so bad”

Add yours

  1. In an era where society is obsessed with equal rights why is the onus on the man to be the pursuer, spend all of the money, and take all of the initiative to make a relationship happen? The vision of an empowered woman isn’t one who stands on a pedestal and does nothing. It’s a woman who decides what she wants – takes initiative, and collaborates in equal partnership. The insult in the article is well founded, but argues towards an equally backward and antiquated direction.


    1. I agree. An empowered woman doesn’t do nothing. She doesn’t just wait for someone to approach her. It’s true we have equal rights and both men and women need to be treated the same. Women are earning just as much, and they have more control over their life and career choices. However, this doesn’t mean dating roles should be ignored. A woman deserves to be respected and “courted”. Not just financially. A man doesn’t always need to pay, but he should learn to lead. Roles aren’t going to be reversed (men won’t automatically start having babies! lol). We are programmed in a certain way. Men hunt. But these days, we don’t just hit a woman with a club, and drag her home force-ably. We invite her out, we laugh with her, we make her feel safe, so she can become part of our lives, willingly. Men who just text for a fling, or treat a woman like she’s property, really lose out. They may get a woman in her bed, but they’ll never truly know the “experience” of a woman and a warm loving relationship. It’s their loss.


  2. Ellen, I knew you when you lived in a Germany (I am friends with your mom) never have I wanted to scream from the mountaintops YES — until now. Not only will I share this with my daughter but with my son. Don’t listen to the naysayers, your prince is not among them. Extremely well written, your parents should be proud.


  3. Well done Ellen. I have been friends with your parents for a long time and have know your mom since we were just kids. My oldest daughter Sam will be a senior this next year and going off to college the following year. This post is now a required read for her. Thank you for being courageous enough to always stand up for your beliefs and being such a great example to other young women. Your parents are extremely proud of you and it is easy to see why.


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